To: The Boys || From: A Feminist
By: #RebelGirl Tiffany Green
According to the Harvard Business Review, 96% of gender-inclusive movements detect headway in their mission when men are involved compared to women-only organizations fronting only 30% progression. In no way does this suggest that women-only organizations are not imperative for the feminist movement or should start including men for statistics-sake. However, what is worth considering is that the central motivator for feminist movement(s) is breaking down systemic patriarchy, the ideals, ethics, and policies generated by these men. Thus, to evoke change as part of our ideology, conversations with men challenging their toxic masculinity are necessary.
I find it crucial to relay this message to the men reading before going further: feminists do not hate all men. Feminists and feminism hate the gender-inequity culture in which women are subordinated, disrespected, abused, disregarded, and harmed under the guise of patriarchy. Suppose you become offended or assume this is man-hating. In that case, you are associating yourself and other male colleagues you know with these characteristics and thus are not equipped for allyship. If you understand and respect this message, then I encourage you to please keep reading.
Male allyship for feminist movements becomes frail when not done right. And yes, there are right ways to be an ally, just as valid as there are wrong ways. Wrong ways of allyship include talking and attempting to implement rather than or before listening. Allyship is not about perpetuating your views on the marginalized group’s change, especially if you are not demographically enmeshed. It is about listening to the concerns and giving space for conversations and solutions that serve the group.
Feminist allyship in spaces that are men-only or dominated by men (locker rooms, bar hangouts, nights with the boys, etc.) includes calling out your peers, friends, and colleagues for sexist comments that defile and humiliate women. This includes sharing and laughing over personal photos of a woman’s body, discussing the sexual status of a woman as a mean’s to have sex, calling women sexually abrasive and demeaning names out of spite, discussing taking advantage of women, and many more. Personal conversations confronting the commonality of misogynistic statements and actions even in passing is where many men fall short in their allyship for women.
Being a true ally is not only supporting the targeted social identity group but addressing the bigotry in your own demographic group as men. If this is uncomfortable to do or you’re perceived differently, good. That means you are compromising traditional destructive perceptions of women and taking a stand. Challenging norms are bound to create some level of tension. It is important to remember that this tension is with individuals bearing ideologies that hurt, diminish, and at the extreme, kill members of a large demographic. As a male ally, when you have the opportunity to say something against these views, please do.
I want to thank you greatly for reading up to this point. I hope this article brings a level of insight as a new potential ally or at least opens the door for changes in your approach as a current ally. As you go back into the world briefed on feminist allyship, I will leave a quote from Beverly Tatum: “We all have a sphere of influence. Each of us needs to find our own sources of courage so that we can begin to speak... We must begin to speak, knowing that words alone are insufficient.” You serve an important role in deconstructing patriarchal archetypes of women in your social groups (work, school, casual settings) and challenging your own views, as well.